Friday, October 4, 2013

Why Call Me Cockroach?

It has been a while since I posted to this blog, and many of you know the reason is because I've been working on my second book, a sequel to Call Me Tuesday. Now it's completed and for sale in eBook format on Amazon and B&N, and the paperback is in the final stages. I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who encouraged me to tell the rest of my story, and then waited patiently while I pecked it out on my laptop.

The second book was almost as painful to write as the first. After the release of Call Me Tuesday, initially, I was embarrassed to reveal the many horrific and humiliating incidents of my childhood. But then after I received the reader response, I realized I had not been giving people enough credit for their capacity for empathy. My abusive upbringing had unfortunately caused me to fear people, and to be leery of the possibility of their cruelty. The compassion, and the brave sharing of experiences I derived from others after they'd read my story made me truly grasp that there are many in this world worthy of trust. During the writing of the second book, in order to convey the true essence of the damage I incurred as a result of my abusive childhood, I found myself having to once again disclose  more shameful personal experiences. But I was able to move forward because of renewed faith and trust that I can only attribute to the kindness of my readers. What a priceless gift! For that I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Because of the reactions I have been getting concerning the title of the second book, Call Me Cockroach--ranging from ooooh! to WTF--I feel I should address my reason for choosing it. While I had several options for a title, this one just seemed to fit my story and my struggles. Like it reads in the Prologue of the book, my daddy actually called me a cockroach, because of my ability to survive, not only under dire physical circumstances, but also the uncanny way I am able to disregard my emotions if need be to keep on living. Many people would have crumbled without essential parental love, and as a result of family turning their backs and doing nothing to help them. But I was somehow able to walk away from them all in search of people who would love me. Cockroaches, although not particularly appealing creatures, survive at all cost. In this way I feel a kinship with them, and I believe there are many more like me out there. With all this in mind, there was really only one choice for the title, and so I swallowed my pride and went with it.

54 comments:

  1. I certainly understand the title of your book and agree it is a fitting title! You are a survivor!!! and it is what your Dad called you. Just like reading Call Me Tuesday I could not put this book down . You are such an inspiration!!!

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  2. Arevis, thanks for your encouragement! I have been so nervous about how people might respond to the second book. I am thankful for every act of kindness, from a stranger's smile, to this deeply impactful comment from you. I had to respond to you to let you know your feedback is the first I've received about the second book! The first is always the most important. Thank you so very much for taking the time to leave this! I'll never forget you.

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  3. I just finished reading BOTH of your books back to back and couldn't put them down! I am sad now as I feel as if I "got to know" you...as if a friendship is ending.
    I am so glad you wrote these books...I truly hung on every page.
    Bravo, friend. Your strength inspires me. God bless you.

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  4. God bless YOU, Lori, for being so thoughtful and compassionate. Every time someone like you tells me how my books made them feel, I become a little stronger, and one step closer to actually believing all that I have gone through was not pointless. Please know, Lori, our friendship will never end. Because of the sensitive nature of my story, I am forever connected to you and every other reader who has reached out to me. I would love to connect with you through Facebook. I'm going to try to find you there. I have two FB pages, one for the book, Call Me Tuesday, and one for me, Leigh Byrne. Again, thank you so much!

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  5. Your story is truly inspiring. I'm about halfway through your second book and absolutely can't put out down! While nothing in comparison to yours, I had quite the rocky past with my mother as well. Although your story is horrifying, it reminds me that there are other strong, amazing wen out there who are breaking free from their past.

    Be strong and courageous; do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord is with you wherever you go.

    From one survivor to another, God Bless

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    1. Hello Sarah,

      It's at once comforting and heartbreaking to hear from another survivor. I'm amazed by how many of us there are. At one time, I thought I was the only one whose mother didn't love her, and I'm sure you did too.

      Thank you for reading my books and taking the time to reach out to me with compassion. My past has taught me to appreciate and be thankful for every human kindness, and clearly, your hardships have made you into a tender, loving soul guided by your strong faith. I want you to know I wrote my story for you.

      It's my hope that you too have found love and happiness in your life.



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  6. I was deeply touched by both your books and I find you incredibly strong for writing them. I was not abused as a child but grew up in a single parent household under the ever present watchful cloud of my mothers severe depression and the religious cult we were associated with. My mother had periods where she was "normal" but in her depression she did very mentally scaring things. I can relate to your scars illustration-after leaving the cult as an adult I didn't realize how many scars were left behind; some I still struggle with to this day. My first husband was controlling and mentally abusive, which left more scars to deal with.
    I was diagnosed with chronic depression about 10 years ago and as I read your spiral downward, it was almost looking in a mirror. I understood everything you wrote, down to the suicidal thoughts and preparations. I too have walked that dark road, albeit for different reasons. But when someone has walked that road, the reasons don't seem all that important; we are linked together by our common suffering.
    I am glad that you found the right medication and had a doctor you could trust. I am also on medication that I need to be on the rest of my life. What touched me most was when you forgave your mother - not for her sake, but for yours. I am still struggling with that forgiveness.
    I am grateful that you found the courage to write these books. God bless you as you continue to live your life and I feel that you will continue your healing journey the rest of your days.

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    1. Beth, thanks for sharing, what was undoubtably a painful part of your life, with me. Once again, I am reminded of, and touched by, how many of "us" there are. While hearing how much you must have suffered hurts me, knowing I am not alone is somehow comforting, and I appreciate your having the courage and compassion to come forward. You insightfully pointed out that my (our) healing is a lifetime journey, and you are so right. I wish you all the joy in life that you deserve.

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  7. I just finished your book "Call Me Cockroach" and followed the link to your blog. I, too, suffered abuse, as did my little sister, with different family dynamics. My father abused my mother and me, while my mother took her frustration out on my sister. The "funny" thing was, my father often pulled his Bible out and read it afterward, as if searching for validation that what he was doing was ok.
    I'm 41 years old now, married, with children of my own, and through years of searching and healing, I have discovered that God NEVER wants one of His little ones to suffer. I have seen how God was with me through the deepest hurts and messiest emotions. He never leaves us. And one day, those who abuse their free will, will be called to account for what they've done.
    Thank you for telling your story. Thank you for being brave. I pray God gives you strength to keep telling your story and reaching out to others, and I pray you find ultimate healing through Jesus Christ.

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    1. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your history--I know how hard that is, but the more people that admit to childhood abuse, the more aware the public will be.

      I might not have fully understood as a child why God allowed me to suffer so, but now, as an adult, I see more clearly. Like you pointed out, He gave us free will--one of his greatest gifts to us, but also the most dangerous. God is not responsible for all the pain on earth; we are.

      I so appreciate your kind words and prayers.

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  8. I read both of your books in a weeks time...and I don't have much time. I just couldn't stop. The life you led was so unbelievable that I found myself fascinated by the fact that you just kept going. I don't know how you could have held on for so long with so much abuse and ridicule. I would have run away long before you ever tried. I am ashamed of your family for letting you go thru everything....especially your father. I cried over and over again for you. I believe that by writing your books you did not suffer in vain. I know that by writing these books, you have saved many lives of children all around the world. People will read your story and see their ignorance and fear and gain the courage to do what is right. You are beautiful and brilliant!!

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    1. Beth, what a lovely person you are! I know that for a fact even though I have never met you. Only special people like you reach out to comfort those who have suffered. I hope your life is filled with the joy you bring others. Don't ever change.

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    2. Thank you, Leigh. I was picked on relentlessly at school for a few years and yet nothing compared to what you had to go through. One of my close friends (who happened to go to the same school, but never stuck up for me cuz we really didn't know each other), said she is glad I was bullied because it helped make me who I am today. We didn't become friends until we were 19. She says it made me the most compassionate person she knows. :-) Hearing things like that, and what you said to me, makes remembering the trauma so less painful.

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  9. I've identified with this book more than anything I've ever read. Made me bring back memories of so many thing with my mother and my need to isolate as an adult. Thank you, I don't feel quite as wierd as I thought I was. If you can find love and piece, so can I. My abuse from mum wasn't nearly as horrific . But I was definitalely the scapegoat. Now I'm just trying to come out of my darkness. Thank you again for your inspiration.

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    1. Carolynn, thank you for reading my story and for sharing a little of yours.

      My need for isolation is one of the after-effects of my abusive past that I, like you, have not been able to resolve. Although I'm happy and at peace, I am still, what I guess you would call, a semi-recluse (hope this makes you feel better). I'm not sure why we adult survivors have the need to withdraw from society, but I do know it's a common thread that runs through most of us, as I have learned from the many letters I've received from others who also suffered abuse at the hands of one of their parents.

      Carolynn, my prayer for you is that you will find your way out of your darkness by following the tiny rays of light all around you. I'll be thinking of you.

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  11. Just finished your first book. Left me with many emotions. There were times I literally wanted to get in the car, track down your mom and get in her face, I wonder if she received hate mail after your book came out. If it's true, that her head injury was the cause then I blame your father for not helping you. I don't know how much of the book is true, but there is so much more he could have done. Watching you starve, get beaten, come up with the idea of the 2x4 under the doorknob? I'm an avid reader and have read many memoirs, again, don't know how much of the book was true. I'm so sorry you went through that, I hope you have found peace and happiness in your adult life and I wish you the best.

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    1. Thank you for reading my book and for your kind comments. Just wanted to let you know that everything in both books is true except the names, locations and a few insignificant identifying details. Also the time line was altered slightly. All the abuse I endured was documented to the best of my memory. Thank you so much for your interest. All the best to you as well!

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  12. In 1973 I watched in horror as my friend was beaten in front of me by her father. He called her horrible names as she pleaded for him to stop. I ran into my house and begged my father to make him stop but was told to close the door and stay out of it. I remember going to my room and crying because I could not stop the beating.
    Child abuse is a horrible thing. Even more horrible is including the rest of the family in on the abuse. I am so sorry you were born into this. Thank God you can tell your story so that others can gain the strength to seek help or to help. I was 11 years old when I witnessed abuse and I have never forgotten what I saw or the screams I heard.
    I bought your book from audible preparing to listen alone. I never thought that my husband would have wanted to listen too but your book has been the only one that he asks me to stop so he can follow too. He too witnessed abuse of a friend as a child and the same scenario took place. "Close the door." God bless people like you with the strength and wisdom to make child abuse and its affects known. I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your experience...so many have suffered and still are suffering. You did the right thing by telling a grownup the abuse you saw. Sadly, the "I don't want to get involved" mentality your father had still lives today, and that's one reason child abuse still lives. Again, I so appreciate your reading my story and talking about it with others, because that's how awareness is heightened. Sending you an online hug...

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  13. Hi, I know it's been a while since you've posted on here and maybe you'll never read this but I hope you do. Your books have touched me so deeply; I barely have words to explain it. God, I just wanted to take the little 8 year old girl you were and run away and love her with everything I had. I can't even fathom how you went through all that horror and came out as the compassionate, intelligent and beautiful woman you are today. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it was hard but I believe so many people out in the world needed to hear your words and know we're not alone. I hope you when you look in the mirror, that you now see how beautiful you are. Inside and out. I'll never forget your book or you. Thank you so much, you have a beautiful soul. Xoxo

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    1. Thanks so much Jemaria. I assume that you, too, were a victim of abuse...my heart goes out to you. I hope that you have, or can, in the near future, put the past behind you and find peace within. We have to try every day not to allow our abusers to continue to control our happiness. All the best to you sweetie.

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  18. Hi, I bumped into your book this weekend. I got your second book and as soon as I read the first page I saw there was a first book. I got it on Kindle and started reading it right away. I could not put it down. I cried so much for your struggles and pain. I kept saying leave her with grandma. I like you enjoyed your days away from home. I'm currently reading book 2 and I can't seem to put it down. Thank you! and may God Bless You Always!

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    1. Hello Sue, and thank you for reading my books. So thoughtful of you to take the time to look me up and share your feelings. I only wish there were more people like you around me when I was growing up. ❤️

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  20. Hello, I am reading Call Me Tuesday and am grate ful for your honesty. A lot of times those of us who have come from traumatic, abusive childhoods are ashamed and don't trust enough to talk. I've been blessed in my life to have many people walk along side me and to welcome me into their families. I also had a very supportive church family. Looking forward to reading your next book. sue Albrecht

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  25. Dear Leigh
    i have read both of your books and loved them so now i am doing a book report on your second book call me cockroach. I need to know in your conflict would you say that you had person verses person conflict or person verse society conflict. What about your Aunt and your mom what conflicts were those?? Also one more question did you ever reconnect to your kids??

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